Cancer Stinks.

I have this habit. At 25 years old, I still can’t decide if I think it’s a good habit, or if it’s even healthy.

My brain turns at like a 1,000 miles an hour and it’s constantly, desperately trying to process and retain everything. Sometimes it just can’t handle it all, and it forces me to eject it all out of my head and out onto paper in words. Words, for me, are what my brain can’t handle holding onto.

Today, my brain is so full, that this poor keyboard underneath my fingertips is about to take one heck of a beating. I literally cannot even comprehend the stuff going on in my life right now.

I have this friend. She’s amazing. She’s incredible. She’s beautiful, talented, and hilariously sassy. She just turned 12. And you know what is garbage? She’s fighting for her 12 year old life in a hospital bed in a children’s hospital because of cancer.

Can we just touch on everything wrong in that sentence? A TWELVE year old fighting cancer. A cancer that is trying everything in its inanimate power to pull the life away from this 12 year old.

Now Children’s hospitals. Isn’t that some garbage right there? Why do we have to have hospitals for little innocents fighting for their lives!? Why is any of this FAIR!? Why do these institutions have to exist? Can’t we all just live to a ripe old age and then get sick and die? Why do these little people, who have never done anything wrong have to suffer because of cancer? Because of disease? Because of nobody’s fault?

IT’S SO UNFAIR.

I just want to shake someone and say, “HOW DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!?”

This is just a little of what is currently imploding inside my head. I can’t wrap my brain around it.

You walk into this children’s hospital and the place looks like Wonderland. It’s fun, there are fish tanks, there are lollipops in the waiting rooms, there are stores with giant stuffed animals, there are super nice nurses and doctors who adore children…. And then there are tiny sick people.

This place is meant to be welcoming to children. It’s meant to put parents at ease. They know their children are going to be well taken care of. But what is really hard to comprehend, is that someone had to design this fun space to be welcoming for children who may not walk back out of its doors. I know they try, and they do the MOST incredible job, but the whole concept is heart wrenching. No. It’s morbid.

My 12 year old friend didn’t do anything to deserve what she is going through. Her family didn’t expect this when they gave birth to her. Nobody does. Nobody asks for catastrophe… it is the unfair, despicable, filth that was brought upon us from the presence of sin. And it stinks.

There is literally no way else to put it. It’s filthy, rotten, detestable, garbage. There it is: Cancer stinks. Kids getting cancer stinks. The fact that children’s hospitals have to exist, stinks.

You hear all of these clichés and perhaps you’ve used them, but you have to use your best, “bless your heart” voice.

“God’s going to get the glory for this”

“If its God’s will…”

“We’re praying for you…”

“This will make you stronger”

“God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle”

We say these things out of the goodness of our hearts, but peaches and cream, people… it still doesn’t make sense!

We say these things in hopes of rationalizing what cannot be comprehended. We use empty words because we literally cannot even begin to understand.

Thank you for trying, really, I know you care…. But let’s be human for like 2 seconds. ALL OF THIS STINKS!

We can say that. We have the right to do that.

We can turn to the Father and we can question him till the cows come home, but the truth of the matter is, we’re never going to fully understand.

We can throw questions at the sky, we can shake our fists, we can scream, cry, rant, hoop ‘n holler, but it’s not going to do a bit of good.

Example:

The other day, my kid told me she didn’t like me. Good. Because sometimes I really don’t like her either. But it’s a good thing I love her to death. I love her more than I love my own life.

It is this feeling, of being a mother, that has me weeping over coffee. I cannot even imagine my baby having cancer. It is unfathomable.

We are foolish to think that God doesn’t look at us in the same way. He understands us more than we give Him credit for. He dwelt among us! If He cried, you can bet He laughed, and if He laughed, you can bet He was mad. Actually, there are times I wish I could drive people out of my house with whips too.

Here’s my point. It’s not going to do you a bit of good to sit and get mad at God. He’s got that. You don’t have to tell Him anything. He already knows! What takes strength is to ask Him to reveal to you what on earth is going on.

And if you’re still and if you’re quiet and if you believe that God is who He says He is, then He’ll bring it to the forefront of your mind.

We’re all going to die.

That stinks.

It is not how we leave this world -- it is how we have LIVED in this world.

And you say, “Catherine, what in the tarnation does that even mean!?”

What that means is that from dust we have come, and to dust we will return. It’s up to us to make something of those days in between birth and death.

My friend did that something. She accepted Christ as her savior and when she does pass away, and she will eventually, because we all will, she’ll bask in the Light of our savior and praise His name forever. Which, frankly, sounds amazing and morbid at the same time.

People talk about rejoicing in times of death. But let’s be real, honest, and real honest here: there is NOTHING to rejoice about when a child dies. And if you do, then you’re sick and should seek professional help.

If and when my 12 year old sister in Christ passes, my soul – the part of me that will live forever – will be happy for her, but every ounce of my flesh will miss her beautiful smile.

So let’s review:

Cancer stinks.

Dying stinks.

Clichés stink.

But being mad at God isn’t going to get you anywhere.

That’s not going to help at all, however, getting to know Him a little better, will help a whole lot.

He’s not doing it to be mean and cruel. Jesus loves children. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all recount Jesus saying (in one way or another), “Let the Children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

So why would a good God let cancer happen? Why would a good God let children die? Why would a good God let there be children’s hospitals?

He’s not focused on how you leave this world, he’s concerned with how you’re living in it right now.

Death is not perceived as loss to God. God sees death as an opportunity to finally meet you and love on you for the rest of eternity. If you deny God in this world, then guess what? You’ll still get the privilege of meeting your creator, but you’ll be eternally separated from him. And THAT will royally stink.

When children die, they go home to a God who loves them.

When cancer patients die, they meet their maker.

It’s up to all of us to be ready to leave this world one way or another.

Make decisions daily that will determine what will happen when you die… because it WILL happen. You can bet your bottom dollar on it.

SO… what do we do for our friends who are suffering? What do we do for our people who are angry at their circumstances? What do we do to overcome what stinks?

We go through it with them. Not face to face, but shoulder to shoulder. Be present, be understanding, don’t say cliché things when you don’t know what to say. ACTUALLY pray for them. Make them baked goods and be there with and for them. Nothing is going to make it stink any less, but your presence and your prayers will be felt, and that is comforting.

Get through it together, and all those clichés that sound horrible will actually start making sense. You WILL be stronger. It actually IS God’s will (for all of us to die). God SHOULD get the glory because he gave us the Holy Spirit as a comforter because He loves us:

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, but God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirt who has been given to us.” –Romans 3-5.

And on the other side of trials, you do realize that God really doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle. Although, that’s not even correct scripture (see 1 Corinthians 10:13 if I just confused you).

Now that I’ve got all that down on paper, I feel better.

Sometimes I just have to work out my feelings.

I hope this has helped you to work through some things as well. I’ve had enough stink. I’m going to get some fresh air. I’d recommend the same for you. They say it’s awfully good for you.

I'm Sorry: For Being a Lukewarm Christian

The person you used to know doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve been a Christian for the last 18 years, and I’ve lived what I thought was a Christian life. I’d talk about going to church and I’d put on a show for our families, but it was all a façade. The person I was didn’t speak like a Christian. I never spoke to my friends about God. Like, at all. I spent most of my days around people who did the same thing… including my husband. We did what we wanted and talked to God at our convenience. We just relied on the fact that he was “always on the line.” We were just swimming around, having a good ‘ol time in a pool of lukewarm water.

Well, here’s what Jesus said about lukewarm water:

“I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot!  So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” –Rev 3:15-16

A few months ago, my husband realized he was frolicking in this lukewarm pool, ran out, grabbed a towel, and begged me to join him. I’m a stubborn heifer, stuck in my ways. I thought he was ridiculous. I had been the spiritual leader in our marriage, I had been the one in touch with my spiritual gifts, I thought I had everything together. I got saved at 7 years old, I was practically fireproof, right?

Wrong.

I hung out in my lukewarm pool, totally disgusted by the fact that God had called my husband out of his complacency. I treaded some water in the deep end, wallowing in the fact that I didn’t want to change anything, and that I was alone in that. Changing my life and actually LIVING for Christ would require me to leave the safety of my lukewarm pool. It would require things I wasn’t comfortable with: loss of friends, commitment, rejection, but worst of all, it would require me to admit that I was actually drowning in denial. I hate being wrong.

I watched him grow in his faith. I watched him actually living the way he was supposed to. I watched him be the man God called him to be. I eventually stopped sulking long enough to realize that I needed to drag my hind-end out of that filthy water, clean myself off, and join him. I needed to haul myself out of my lukewarm lifestyle. It was only after I was out of the water that I realized how disgusting my life had been. That lukewarm water had been breeding all kinds of things: complacency, denial, wrong ideals, terrible speech, hatefulness, worldly things. Everything Satan wanted me to think was okay for me to practice as a Christian.

What I had really been doing, is using God as a spare tire. I would run on my own will, and pull out the God card every now and then. What you need to know, is the life I presented you, was a bold-faced lie.

I’ll be held accountable for that one day, but what I want to say is: I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you heard me using foul language, and you thought it was okay to use foul language too.

I’m sorry you heard me talking about people.

I’m sorry you thought it was okay to come to me and talk to me about people.

I’m sorry if you never even knew I was a Christian.

I’m sorry if you modeled your life after me and you thought it was okay.

I’m sorry for not always being the way I am now.

I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder.

I’m sorry that I didn’t use scripture more.

I’m sorry I was a pitiful example of what a Christ-Follower looks like.

So what does a Christ-Follower look like?

A Christ-Follower is someone who actually TRIES every single day to do a little better. It’s someone who fully commits to God’s will. It’s someone who makes a legitimate effort to be more Christ-like. It’s someone who refuses to be complacent.

That’s hard, friends.

It’s a struggle every day. After you’ve made the decision to walk out of that lukewarm mess, Satan will hit you with everything he can to knock you back in. You’ll have to steady yourself every time he throws something at you. It doesn’t get easier, and Satan will try to use that too. It’s hard doing hard things, and that’s discouraging. Don’t let him use that against you. Steady yourself with every step, and you’ll start making progress.

Step out of that lukewarm water, and step into the person God is calling you to be. Stop swimming around in complacency. Quit comparing yourself to everyone around you. “Well, he’s doing it, so it must be okay,” is one of the worst things you can say as a Christian. Get in the word of God and find out for yourself what the Bible says is right and wrong. Don’t rely solely on what man has to say. Read your Bible. Read your Bible. Read your Bible. It’s right there in black and white (and sometimes red). Just READ. You’re reading this right now!

 

When you read, you’ll find these verses that aren’t talked about a lot:

At that time I will search Jerusalem with lamps, and I will punish the men who are complacent, those who say in their hearts, ‘The LORD will not do good, nor will he do ill.’ –Zeph. 1:12

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. –1 Cor. 10:12

And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” –1 Pet 4:18

When you actually read scripture, you realize that you’re not supposed to stay in one place spiritually. You’re not supposed to be stagnant. You’re not supposed to be comfortable where you are. If the righteous are scarcely saved, that’s scary. I’m nowhere close to righteous and I certainly don’t claim to be. What I do claim, is that I’m striving for progress. I’m striving daily to follow Christ.

In the book, Not a Fan, Kyle Idleman addresses the fact that most Christians today act more like fans than followers:

“Fans don’t mind him doing a little touch-up work, but Jesus wants complete renovation. Fans come to Jesus thinking tune-up, but Jesus is thinking overhaul. Fans think a little makeup is fine, but Jesus is thinking makeover. Fans think a little decorating is required, but Jesus wants a complete remodel. Fans want Jesus to inspire them, but Jesus wants to interfere with their lives.” –Kyle Idleman

Friends, I am so sorry that I gave you a diluted view of what Christianity looks like. I am sorry I have been a pitiful example of what we are called to be as Christians. I am sorry I never showed you what a real relationship with Christ looks like. The façade we put on was that it’s okay to basically do what we want and still call ourselves Christians. We took advantage of what the world says is, “okay.” We were just like everyone else.

We’re not called to be like everyone else. We’re called to be set-apart:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.—Rom 12:22

Renew your mind. Step out of the lukewarm water that you have made your home, and step out in faith. God will wrap you up in a warm, secure, towel of grace and love. Don’t think you’re alone. There are others running this race with you. Pass it on:

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Pet 4:8

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “this doesn’t apply to me at all,” think again. Stop being stagnant! Being a Christ-FOLLOWER doesn’t mean you say a prayer one time and then you’re done. It means you follow him. It means you make forward progress. It means you move. It means, drag your hind-end out of that disgusting water you call home, and do what God is calling you to do. Do more, do less, do what is right, do whatever needs to be done to make forward progress. Mary Kay Ash always said, “fail forward to success.”

I’m sorry I was such a poor example of what a Christian was, but I’m trying every day to do a little better. I often fail, but I’m failing forward and learning from my mistakes. I’m using what I learned from my past - in my present - to promote my future. Some days are harder than others, but I know God loves me enough to stick with me, and Satan hates that enough to try to make me stumble:

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.—1 Pet 5:6-11

I pray that you’ll forgive me for the example I gave you in my past. I hope you’ll see me trying in the present, and I hope you’ll join me in the future. I hope you become as grossed-out as I was with my lukewarm water. I hope you have faith to step out and know that you’re not alone. I hope you know that you’re loved by a God who loved you enough to send his son to die for you.

There is NO way I could give my children up to die for others. There’s just no way. I see that kind of love and I am humbled and slightly ashamed. I’m humbled because he loved me enough to watch his son suffer, which is more than I could ever do. I am ashamed because after all of that, I still treated him like a spare tire. He deserves more than that. He deserves every ounce of me. He deserves every cell that he created. I am honored to be his creation: every cell of me. Every not-lukewarm cell of my being. 

Trash Day

13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” -- 1 Peter 1:13-17

¹³ Therefore, preparing your minds for action,

Girding up the loins of your mind

and being sober-minded,

Clear-headed - Wakefulness

set your hope

Confident expectation

fully

Completely

on

Upon

the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

The grace that will be extended to you when Jesus returns.  

Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind and remain clear headed, set your confident expectations COMPLETELY upon the grace that will be extended to you when Jesus returns at the end of time.

¹⁴ As obedient children

Relationship, not age (because we’ll talk about the Father later)

, do not be conformed

Molded by

to the passions 

Lusts

of your former ignorance, 

Here, “ignorance” means the way the gentiles that he is writing to worshiped before they became Christians.

¹⁵ but as he

The Lord

who called you is holy

Holy comes from a word that means “to cut off” - to cut yourself off from sin to be separated from sin.

, you also be holy in all your conduct, 

 Every bit of your conduct

¹⁶ since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” 

 Lev 11:44 “I am the LORD your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy.”

As obedient children, Do not be molded by lusts of your old life,  But as Christ was holy, let’s also be set-apart from sin in every bit of our conduct, since it was written even before Christ was born that we should be holy because God is holy.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------

Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind and remain clear headed, set your confident expectations COMPLETELY upon the grace that will be extended to you when Jesus returns at the end of time.

As obedient children, Do not be molded by lusts of your old life,  But as Christ was holy, let’s also be set-apart from sin in every bit of our conduct, since it was written even before Christ was born that we should be holy because God is holy.

Being a mom is really hard. Some days we want to just take our kids and give them to someone. Sometimes we just want to smother our spouse in his sleep.

We say things to our families and act in ways that don’t show any grace at all. We are uglier to our family than anyone else. Which is sad because they’re the ones we love the most. What is even sadder, is that we don’t show them what holy looks like at all some days.

Peter says to be set-apart from sin in every bit of our conduct. That means how we walk, how we talk, how we raise our kids, how we approach our spouse. How am I supposed to be holy if I can’t even keep the dishes clean?

Today let’s work on girding up the loins of our mind. Let’s brace ourselves for all the junk that Satan is going to throw at us today. Let’s remember the grace that was extended to us, turn around, and extend that same grace to our families.

The number one thing that the Devil wants to use against us is our own past. He wants to reach way back in the vault of our mind and drag out something ugly. He wants us to always remember who we were before we gave our garbage to God.

That garbage in the back of our mind is “former ignorance.” It’s trash, and it needs to stay in the trashcan.

When you give your life to God, he doesn’t remember all the junk you hoarded up before you gave it to him. He cleaned you right up and organized your heart with little labels that say, “I love you.”

Don’t let your old self control your holy self. Just like we want our kids to obey, we need to obey God’s commands. Let’s set good examples today of how we’re moving forward toward holiness and moving away from our nasty pasts and our nasty old habits.

Extend grace to your family today and tell the Devil that your garbage has already been collected, and he doesn't need to keep bringing it up because it is already GONE.

I love you, and I hope this encourages you today J

The Unwanted Collar

Today, I woke up and all of my pants were in the washer. Great. So I put on a pair of dress pants, a nice top, and my pearls. The only place I was going, was my grandparents. Oh well, at least I would look nice. 

My 78 year old grandpa had a very different morning from me. He walked outside this morning, discovered that the tree beside his boat shed was dead, and that bothered him. So, he cut it down. Alone. My almost 80 year old grandpa cut that tree down and cut it up. Alone.

I pulled up to my grandparents house and found my grandpa hauling off the first load of brush. Alone. My initial thought was, "good grief, this man is going to kill himself working this hard!" But then I realized, this is my Pa: it's not going to be hard work that eventually kills him. It will be the stillness that eventually takes him. 

He's worked hard his whole life, and when he sees a project as big as a tree that needs to be cut down and chopped up, he just tackles it. Alone. 

So what do I do? I walk in the house, nurse the baby and change the girls' diapers. I take off my pearls and rings. I put on my grandma's sweats, her oldest pair of slip on shoes, and my Pa's coat. I ask if there are any gloves, and Pa finds me a pair. After evicting the stink bugs from the gloves in which they had made their winter home, I put them on, and head outside. 

Pa tosses me a rake and we get to work. We rake sticks and rake sticks and rake sticks. It's freezing outside, and the wind is ridiculous. We separate the big pieces that he's already chainsawed and stack them. Then, we load the brush on a trailer to haul them off. 

It is at this point in our labor that I realize something: this is what is wrong with America today. We don't have people like my Pa around anymore. Nobody wants to do hard work anymore. Nobody wants to tackle hard tasks alone. How many people do you know that are willing to go out and tackle an entire tree - alone?  

I'm freezing to death and using muscles that I haven't used in years, and it's just another day for Pa. He was raised in a time when hard work wasn't valued, it was essential. Let me repeat that: when hard work wasn't valued, it was essential. That would mean that hard work, was just work 

You see, as Americans we've separated the workforce into two misleading categories: white collar and blue collar. I'd like to introduce to you a third category: the unwanted collar. 

There are many jobs in America that we've outsourced because we just don't want them. They're "too hard" or "too dirty." The majority of the unwanted collar workers in America these days are either old-timers with a sense of work ethic, or immigrants. How many white collar or blue collar people do you know that are willing to go out and pick an entire orchard for minimum wage? Or sort chicken parts for minimum wage? Or crawl through sewage for minimum wage? 

We've unknowingly undermined essential work and called it hard work. It's only hard because we don't really want to do it. 

We raked brush for what seemed like forever, and so my thought process brought me to yet another conclusion: we have also, unknowingly, overvalued education. 

One would assume that Americans get paid based on the amount of work they put in to something. However, that isn't the case at all. We go to college for 4 years, get out into the real world, can't get a job, go back to school for 2 more years, return to the work force, and eventually find a suitable job that will provide for our future family's, 3 bedroom, middle-class home. 

Now, those people easily make twice what Jose or Pedro make breaking their backs at the chicken mill. Why? Because they have an education. Sure the college kids worked hard for their education (and not all people are cut out for "the unwanted collar"), but is it fair that we undermine the quality of work that Jose and Pedro provide?

Is it fair to say that we, as a society, have made education so important and degraded "hard work" so much, that we've ruined the system? 

We have GOT to instill a sense of work ethic in our children. We have got to teach them that manual labor, "hard work," is essential. We need to instill a sense of pride in work that is done with your hands. Nobody in our generation knows what it feels like to plow a field or hoe a garden that will fully sustain your family.   

We don't need to degrade those in the unwanted collar class. Our society still has to have those people. They're essential to it. They make it function properly. We push education so hard that kids think it's the only way they'll make it. What we fail to tell them, is that it's okay to have a manual labor job. Some people aren't cut out for desk jobs. Some people are more suited to be in a trade than at a desk all day. We have got to do something about the way we talk about education. 

We've got to start teaching our kids to not only accept, but respect the unwanted collar.

My Mary Kay Dream

Seasons Unit

To build a personal team of God-centered, family-oriented, first-class women who will join me in changing the face and perception of Mary Kay Cosmetics. To promote an image that is young, yet timeless, confident, yet feminine. – My Mary Kay Vision

One day, I’m going to be a Mary Kay Director. I know it. This company was built on the shoulders of the women on the bottom - where we all came from. We strive every day to move up the Ladder of Success, to build our business, to succeed. The beauty of this company is that we have all started from the bottom. We have all started with two things… a starter kit and a dream.

I have decided that the name of my unit will be Seasons. I’m claiming it now, that I will have a unit one day that I will get to name. My entire life I have heard Ecclesiastes 3:1. It’s my mother’s favorite verse:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”

There are many ups and downs to this business. There are many seasons of life and there are many seasons of a Mary Kay career. Some seasons will be better than others. There will be highs and lows, but as long as we remember that God is in charge of those changes, we will be okay. As long as we remember that everything has a time and a purpose, we will be okay. We may not know His reasons, but to everything, there is a season.