Being Grateful

Six weeks ago I gave birth to the most beautiful 10lbs 8oz, 22 1/2in baby girl. Look at her... she's perfect.

She's everything I could possibly want in a child. BUT... her delivery was a nightmare. Getting her into this world was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

An hour before Caydence decided to enter this world, my epidural decided it wanted to stop working. It just checked out on me. I felt utterly betrayed by that epidural. It had kept me nice and comfortable for the last 12 hours. I was counting on that epidural to keep me calm and pain free during delivery. But it had different plans. They couldn't figure out why it had stopped and Caydence was on her way. That's right, ladies and gentlemen... I gave birth to a ten and a half pound baby... naturally (insert pat on the back). That wouldn't have bothered me so bad if it weren't for the fact that she got stuck, literally. One of her shoulders got stuck behind my pubic bone. Everyone freaked out for one small moment while they dealt with something called shoulder dystocia. I was a hysterical mess. I have the pain tolerance of a chihuahua. I yelp at literally everything. At this point I thought I was dying. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and she wasn't going anywhere. After a significant amount of manipulation, she finally emerged, and I passed out. Literally. I came to with Caleb's face in my face and a baby on my chest. It was the most painful thing on the planet. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I would rather cut my own foot off with a butter knife than to ever experience that amount of pain ever again. It felt as though every single bone in my body was being broken all at once. I felt like this chicken. 

Caydence had to have an immediate x-ray to see if her collar bone was broken. Her entire body was bruised up, but other than that, she was absolutely perfect. 

The pain during her delivery has scarred me for life. I still have nightmares about it. Nightmares about my body being ripped in half. They plague me. Caleb jokingly tells me I have PTSD. I wake up in a cold sweat and make sure Caydence is still in her bassinet. It was horrific for me. But like I said... I'm a weenie. 

I talk about my delivery like it nearly killed me. I talk about the pain of childbirth like it was the worst thing in the world... but the other day a thought occurred to me that hit me like a ton of bricks... what if I had never been able to have children?

What if I had never been able to have children at all? Millions of couples around this world struggle with infertility and here I am complaining about childbirth. Do you know the number of women who literally would hack off their own feet for the opportunity to give birth? Millions. 

How ungrateful and selfish am I!? God gave me the gift of reproduction. He allowed me to procreate and he gave me the honor of raising children. I can not imagine not getting to do that. I have felt a human move inside me and I have been entrusted to keep that human alive. What an absolute privilege I have been given! Not only was I allowed to create life from nothing, but I have given birth to those two lives that were created. Do you know how many women who have had miscarriages that would have loved to experience such a traumatic delivery? Millions. 

Millions of women every year cry themselves to sleep over miscarried babies or infertility. Here I am humbled by something that is far greater than me. Shame on me for taking something so serious for granted. 

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Psalm 127:3-4

Is there something in your life today that you are taking for granted? 

Are you complaining about things that you really shouldn't be complaining about? Are you complaining about a job when you have a job, when there are people all over this country that are struggling to provide for their families? 

Are you complaining about your spouse when you've actually got a loving and caring husband/wife? 

Are you complaining about your small house, when you've got a roof over your head?

There is always someone out there who has it worse. There will always be someone who wishes they had what you've been given. There will always be discontentment in your life if you fail to see the good that is already there. 

"Do all things without grumbling or complaining." Philippians 2:14

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I encourage you to think before complaining. Be grateful for what you have. 

Behind the Blog

My whole life, I've heard my mother quote Ecclesiastes 3:1. I heard it so much that I honestly never even gave any thought to it. It wasn't until I was a sophomore in college that I finally understood what it meant. You see, I've lived a fairly sheltered life. Up until my sophomore year of college, I had never really lost anyone close to me. I got a call very early one morning - a friend had taken his own life. It shook me to my very core. I couldn't believe what I had heard. I called my mom that morning to seek her wisdom. The words that came through the phone were words I had heard for the last 20 years, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heavens." For the first time, I understood what that meant. Life, as I would soon find out, is rough. It's hard and unnerving. It's terrifying. Thankfully for us, nothing here on earth lasts forever.

Seasons come and go, but we don't really give them much thought. We welcome fall after a brutal summer, after fall we get completely beside ourselves over Christmas, and then it's a waiting game until Spring. Spring - where everything comes back to life and the sun shines for longer than just a handful of hours. It's the turning of the seasons, the passing of time, that we need to take away from Ecclesiastes 3:1.

"To everything there is a season...": We don't know why God puts horrible things in our lives, but he does promise us this... it will pass. Winter is miserable. It's grey, cold, and dreary. The only good thing about winter is that it is immediately chased by spring. There's hope on the other side. In life, things are going to be horrible, you're going to be miserable, stuff is going to be really stinking hard, but it won't last forever. It's not meant for us to understand these things, but we can take comfort in the fact that, "this too shall pass."

"... a time for every purpose under the heavens.": God's timing is perfect. It's really hard for us to trust him and wrap our minds around that fact. He doesn't give an explanation as to why he does most things. It seems that God has a way of doing things we don't understand quite a bit. That's on purpose. If we were to know God in and out, would we still need him? He has a time for everything he does, and a purpose behind it. Sometimes we'll never actually see the outcome of that purpose - and that's the hardest part. We try to look for God's purpose behind terrible things that happen,  but frankly, we're too human to see it. God has had a perfect plan set in motion since he made this place. We might not ever understand his timing or his purpose, but if we trust him, he'll bring us out on the other side. You might be battered and worn. You might be exhausted and confused. You might doubt your very salvation, but we MUST have faith to believe that it's all in God's hands. His plans are so beyond us that we'll never be able to understand him.

We have to give the seasons of our lives over to God. We have to give those periods of time that we don't understand to him. We're not strong enough to understand all he has planned for us. Fall is just beginning, you might be in for a rough ride through this winter, but take hope, spring will be here before you know it. God promises us that.

We may not ever know his reasons, but to everything there is a season.