Monday, November 3, 2014

Being Grateful

Six weeks ago I gave birth to the most beautiful 10lbs 8oz, 22 1/2in baby girl. Look at her... she's perfect.

She's everything I could possibly want in a child. BUT... her delivery was a nightmare. Getting her into this world was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

An hour before Caydence decided to enter this world, my epidural decided it wanted to stop working. It just checked out on me. I felt utterly betrayed by that epidural. It had kept me nice and comfortable for the last 12 hours. I was counting on that epidural to keep me calm and pain free during delivery. But it had different plans. They couldn't figure out why it had stopped and Caydence was on her way. That's right, ladies and gentlemen... I gave birth to a ten and a half pound baby... naturally (insert pat on the back). That wouldn't have bothered me so bad if it weren't for the fact that she got stuck, literally. One of her shoulders got stuck behind my pubic bone. Everyone freaked out for one small moment while they dealt with something called shoulder dystocia. I was a hysterical mess. I have the pain tolerance of a chihuahua. I yelp at literally everything. At this point I thought I was dying. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and she wasn't going anywhere. After a significant amount of manipulation, she finally emerged, and I passed out. Literally. I came to with Caleb's face in my face and a baby on my chest. It was the most painful thing on the planet. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I would rather cut my own foot off with a butter knife than to ever experience that amount of pain ever again. It felt as though every single bone in my body was being broken all at once. I felt like this chicken. 

Caydence had to have an immediate x-ray to see if her collar bone was broken. Her entire body was bruised up, but other than that, she was absolutely perfect. 

The pain during her delivery has scarred me for life. I still have nightmares about it. Nightmares about my body being ripped in half. They plague me. Caleb jokingly tells me I have PTSD. I wake up in a cold sweat and make sure Caydence is still in her bassinet. It was horrific for me. But like I said... I'm a weenie. 

I talk about my delivery like it nearly killed me. I talk about the pain of childbirth like it was the worst thing in the world... but the other day a thought occurred to me that hit me like a ton of bricks... what if I had never been able to have children?

What if I had never been able to have children at all? Millions of couples around this world struggle with infertility and here I am complaining about childbirth. Do you know the number of women who literally would hack off their own feet for the opportunity to give birth? Millions. 

How ungrateful and selfish am I!? God gave me the gift of reproduction. He allowed me to procreate and he gave me the honor of raising children. I can not imagine not getting to do that. I have felt a human move inside me and I have been entrusted to keep that human alive. What an absolute privilege I have been given! Not only was I allowed to create life from nothing, but I have given birth to those two lives that were created. Do you know how many women who have had miscarriages that would have loved to experience such a traumatic delivery? Millions. 

Millions of women every year cry themselves to sleep over miscarried babies or infertility. Here I am humbled by something that is far greater than me. Shame on me for taking something so serious for granted. 

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Psalm 127:3-4

Is there something in your life today that you are taking for granted? 

Are you complaining about things that you really shouldn't be complaining about? Are you complaining about a job when you have a job, when there are people all over this country that are struggling to provide for their families? 

Are you complaining about your spouse when you've actually got a loving and caring husband/wife? 

Are you complaining about your small house, when you've got a roof over your head?

There is always someone out there who has it worse. There will always be someone who wishes they had what you've been given. There will always be discontentment in your life if you fail to see the good that is already there. 

"Do all things without grumbling or complaining." Philippians 2:14

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I encourage you to think before complaining. Be grateful for what you have.